The Gift

I tore my expensive saddle from my horse’s back and threw it to the ground.

Knowing its weight, I was surprised by how far it went. It was not so much a fit of rage, but one of despair. Well, okay, maybe both, but I guess neither is any excuse. They say there are two emotions that don’t belong in the saddle. Fear or anger, and I definitely had both. I guess continually riding scared eventually comes out in anger. I was angry with my horse, angry with my lack of knowledge and filled with despair. Despair because I knew the argument started and stopped with me, not my horse.

I was terribly exposed and I knew it. We tend to label our horse’s behaviour as “good” or “bad”, but really, he’s just being a horse. He is just doing what he believes will keep him safe. Much like us sometimes I guess. So if a horse is just being a horse, how did I end up being so offended?

It has been said, “A “misbehaving” horse will always reveal more about the inside of a person than the inside of the horse”. Behaviour is communication. Horses, or people for that matter, acting badly are trying to tell us something. Are we listening?

When have I responded in anger when compassion and understanding could have smothered burning embers? When did I get impatient, jump to conclusions or get offended instead of listening or trying to understand? Sometimes the way I act reveals more about what is in my heart than it does about someone else’s. I guess this is where the bible verse “take the plank out of your own eye before removing the speck in someone else’s”, comes into play.

When a horse is in shut down, or acting in fear, it takes a lot of love, grace, self control and compassion to respond with kindness. That kind of soft, perfect response that can only come from a Perfect Trainer. Not too much pressure, but just enough. Not too early, and not too late. God is the perfect trainer. Out of love, He applies just the right amount of pressure, at just the right time. Unlike me with my horse, God doesn’t get offended or surprised by my actions. He doesn’t expect me to be further along than I am and He doesn’t try and get me to change by force or coercion.

He prepares me well for seasons and challenges ahead with a loving response and
kindness in His eye. He also disciplines fairly when I need it and certainly doesn’t take my outbursts personally. He stays cool and calm but most of all, He gives me freedom. Freedom to run my well worn track around the outside of the round yard. Until out of breath, I realise He was patiently waiting for me to just glance at Him and be still.

What stops you from looking to Him. What keeps your ears pricked, eyes wide and running in circles? Is it fear? Or could it be pride?

The image below of milo and I at the beach was printed on the centre page spread of the sunny coast magazine, My Weekly Preview. It always humbles me that God would take my fear and my pride and allow me to ride this horse with an amount of faith I never thought possible.

Doesn’t it blow your mind when you realise what God is capable of when you surrender and give Him the reins? What Grace!

The gift is grace. And where there is grace, there is freedom. Freedom to be me. Freedom from others’ expectations and my lofty ideals. Freedom to come just as I am. Freedom to make mistakes and yet turn to look at Him. Freedom to know that God won’t whip me in discipline or spur me on in anger.

God’s grace is gentle and it’s just what I need. Every time, at just the right time. What a great God He is.

And just like grace looks different for each of my horses, so too is God’s grace different for each of us. We are each in different places on our journeys, and only God knows what is best. God forgive me when I jump ahead in someone else’s “training”. God is God, and I am not.

The world is waiting for those who can respond in kindness and show compassion when they need it most. With a God who freely pours His gifts out on us, how can we not freely give it to others? They certainly weren’t easy lessons, but Milo taught me a lot.

Instead of holding the reins so tightly, I learnt just how much trust and faith it takes to give to pressure instead of fight against it.

When I learnt not to hold on so tight, that was where the freedom really began.

Ride with faith,

Mel